i think i'm really messing things up big time...
i have no idea what i am doing..
or where am i heading to...
god damn it....

i give up on u already.

i hate army, i hate going on course.

i love to sleep eat and play.

u are rather interesting, u might be e one.

i hate mosquitoes.

i hate booking in.

i love scary ghostly flicks.

Your beauty is beyond the highest hills i can climb.
To touch you is like feeling a ray of light.
I dream of you everyday and throughout the night.
The thought that you are near is heavenly sublime,
but i know reaching you is an impossible dream.
How can an angel possibly see beyond her light?

i think i deserve a round of applause for being able to act and hide my emotions so well...

yesterday was volleyball day.
hadnt had so much fun ever since e start of last yr.
took half day off just to go back cj to play.
shiok man...meet with the rest of the guys and played friendly matches against admirlty sec and the cj guys and girls team. of course results i no need say le.
played from like..1 plus to around 7..
den supposed to go dinner with auntie smith, but i think we got crazy and went to play volleyball(again) with her teammates in MOE. i was e only young blood there....other then this 8 yr old kid la... the rest are...aunties...so play till 10...and now i'm like aching all over...but its a good day though.i dun mind going down every friday to play with them(aunties)....maybe they have nice daughters? ahah...

anyway...i seriously believe a empty mind is the playroom for devils. esp when u have nothing to do, and nothing for u to do, and for u nothing to do.it makes pple think, and normally, think of stupid stuff that only makes u more miserable...

i was listening to my media just now....usual songs like li sheng jie's shou fang kai and chi xing jue dui, jordan chan's wo ai de ren...den suddenly she came online...but as usual, no conversation was initiated. the spiky feeling came in, the sour type... the e songs lyrics begin to feel up my mind, and subsequently controled my emotion. i tot back all the way, it wasnt a very smooth journey, it was a lonely one. i was travelling alone all the time, just hoping one day she will be walking along with me. yea this type of sucker still existed. i tot of the stuff she told me before, its like having a knife stab wound on ur thigh, and of course e knife is still inside, and someone is twisting it slowly. but u still got to smile.

sometimes i just wonder if its really worth all the trouble, and sometimes i will wonder otherwise. its a sucky feeling...

is it worth it?
did i missed it?
am i holding onto something that is over long ago?

freak.